This past monday I went over to my best friends house.. she has a roommate that I used to care about. I went away to school and did not forget about him just figured it didn't matter. I was 3 hrs away and there was no point. I did like him before but I knew that he had serious commitment issues. So we never dated, we just hung out. Since I've been home we have hung out twice and we had the most fun ever.. we laugh non-stop. We have deep conversations and when he is upset I was the one who made him feel better. I made him laugh in 2 seconds. It's effortless with us and then tonight.. his band was playing and I went to go see him.. as well as the rest of the band. I wore an amazing dress and I was looking great.. I wear new dresses and get all dolled up. My friend did my hair.. and I did it all for him to notice me as something more. No is the answer to the question you are all thinking. Did it all pay off? No. He got drunk (which is expected at these shows) and was dancing on the dance floor with a bunch of random girls.. which also doesn't bother me. He is single and obviously we aren't even talking but its just like.. you can at least dance with me or come up and hug me. When we first saw each other he did come up to me and talk to me briefly but I just want some attention. It might not be obvious that I'm trying but I do care about him as a friend.
I've been in love before.. I know how I feel when the man I love walks into a room. I know what it feels like to lie in bed with the man i love dreaming of the future we will have together. I know what to look for and I have plenty of offers to go out with guys that I know.. but I know that they mean nothing to me. I know who I can actually be in a relationship with and when I look at these guys, I know how much I would be willing to do for them. This year I have found 2 guys that I could actually make a relationship last with. They both couldn't give two shits about me. Its really a self-confidence downer. I can dye my hair.. buy new clothes.. but it doesn't matter. They.. don't... notice.. me... Well they do notice me and we are friends but they wont give me a chance at being more than that.
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